Joke Repo

Corn cheese (콘치즈) is my favorite appetizer. It's much of like my sense of humor: corny and cheesy.

Over the years, I've developed a collection of experimental jokes. The jokes here are the kind I'd conceptualize in the shower but not the kind I'd share with friends (they're rather niche and tend toward being pathologically tedious). My often wandering brain often generates parodies, literal extensions, or subversions of existing idioms and phrases.

Occasionally, these culminate in the creation of amusement: a joke.

I hope you find these bits funny, though they may not be everyone’s cup of cheese.

Expanders

They say failure builds character...

And the characters built different probably failed a lot 🤔

Explanation

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”—E. B. White

You expanded this explanation, so I assume you’re also a nerd? Here’s the autopsy: this joke goofily extends a clichéd colloquial idiom with the silly built different meme. I love it when idioms are sacrilegiously misappropriated, especially by memes

I thought I had imposter's syndrome...

Turns out I was faking it. What a fraud.

Explanation

One of my favorite kinds of jokes: the self-contradictory self-reference.
One of my favorite TV shows, Xavier Renegade Angel, exploits this a lot:

Example

“I’m such an autodidact, every one of my teachers told me I autodied myself”
“I don’t know the meaning of the word “willfull ignorance,” and I don’t intend to find out.”

I fell in some muddy grass.

Thank you Mother Nature for that gracias

Explanation

A bilingual pun. One could theoretically mass-generate these by finding all the common homophones between pairs of languages and retrospectively matching the setup to the homophonic punchline.

Give a man a fish...

And he’ll be fed for a day 🙂‍↕️

Teach a man 👨🏻 how to fish 🎣...

And unless he has a seafood allergy 🐟😵, he’ll feed himself 😀

Teach a man how to teach himself how to fish 🧠...

And he’ll be nourished and content for life 😊

Teach a man how to teach others to fish 👨🏻‍🏫🎣🙇🏼‍♀️...

And he’ll become a valued, productive member of society 😮

Teach a man how to teach others to teach themselves how to fish 🙇🏼‍♀️🎣🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️...

And the very cohesive social fabric built upon information-exchanging interactions between wise fellows and naive mellows will dissipate into oblivion 😭😭😭

Teach a fish to man up 💪🐟...

And the man will starve to death 🗿

Oh, you made it to the end of this callout chain?

Congrats! Here’s a medal, champ🏅

Storytime

I learned to fish as a kid, but I am unfortunately still allergic to seafood. However, at 22 years old, I learned I can eat canned tuna due to their lower levels of parvalbumin,the protein that commonly causes the seafood allergy. So give a man a fish, and he may die; hermetically seal and retort-sterilize that fish, and he may finally enjoy a tuna sandwich!

The deliverer-liver deliverer delivers the livers of the deliverers.

The deliverer-liver deliverer’s killer, the killerer of the deliverers, lives by the river.
“I deliver the livers of the killers’ livers” the deliverer delivers.
“I kill ‘er; the deliverers’ killer” the deliverer-liver deliverer’s killer lividly delivers vividly.

Explanation

This tongue-twisting text tests stressed tongues to deliver the delivery of “deliverers,” “liver-deliverers,” and “killer-deliverers,” because its deliverer, once defeated by the darned diction of “the delivery,” devised this deadly delivery drill to defeat defective delivery, only for this dastardly delivery to become the dreaded defeater.

i.e. I made this tongue twister because I had trouble saying “the delivery,” but the tongue twister proved way too hard for me.

I knew a vegan once...

Very ethically sourced.

What does this mean?

I ate the vegan

What do you call a try-hard military official, segfaulting OS, a trivially factorable function, a syntactically broken sentence, and a stunted seed?

A degenerate kernel

Explanation

This cross-domain joke takes inspiration in structure from another famous nerd joke:

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can’t cross a vector and a scalar.

I hoped to upgrade the joke by crossing 5 domains, but much like a degenerate kernel, adding more dimensions only made it collapse.

Explanation of each term:

• Try-hard military official: try-hards are often seen as degenerate. “Colonel” sounds like “kernel”
• Segfaulting OS: an operating system kernel (OS) that segfaults can be considered degenerate
• Trivially factorable function: in math, a degenerate kernel is one that simplifies into separable factors.
• Syntactically broken sentence: a kernel sentence in linguistics is a basic sentence form. Here, it has degenerated grammatically.
• Stunted seed: a kernel is a seed or grain

The glass

The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
The optimist sees the glass as half full.
The realist sees the glass as half full of water and half full of air.

The physicist sees the glass as mostly empty.
The quantum physicist sees the glass as full of quantum fluctuations.
The chemist sees the glass as 7 moles of $\mathrm{H}{}_2\mathrm{O}$, 30 mmol of $\mathrm{O}{}_2$, 60 mmol of $\mathrm{N}{}_2$, 1 mmol of $\mathrm{CO}{}_2$, and other gases.
The biologist sees the glass as full of microbial breeding potential.

The nutritionist recommends you drink 8 of these a day.
The capitalist tries to sell the glass to the nutritionist.
The anarchist drinks the glass and disputes the concept of ownership with the capitalist.
The cop tells the anarchist to put down the remaining glass shards.

The blind man doesn’t see the glass, but hears the commotion.
The deaf man sees the glass but doesn’t hear the commotion.
The solipsist sees and hears the glass and the commotion but does not believe any of them exist.
The rationalist sees the shards and proves that the glass is no longer intact.
The Bayesian updates his prior against leaving philosophers near drinkware.

The linguist points out that everyone keeps saying “glass” even though it is now technically a puddle and several shards.
The absurdist laughs at the commotion and asks for another glass.
The postmodernist questions whether “full” and “empty” are just binaries invented by Big Cup.
The meta-philosopher asks whether you’re half done with this format yet.

Tongue Rap

Tongue’s so sharp I slice enemies with words so curt
Tongue’s so sharp that tongue-in-cheek jokes hurt
ouch!

A picture is worth a thousand words.

A video is a thousand pictures.
A movie is a long video.
The book is better than the movie.
And you learn more from doing than reading.
So actions speak volumes

Yet here I am, using words to explain why they’re inferior.

Binaries

A: People either think in binaries or they don’t.
B: I disagree. Mostly.

Knowing more or less

A: The more you know, the less you know
B: You must be a genius then

Half-baked phrases

Entry	Context
Tar Bomba	Tar bombs are files that when unzipped, dump a lot of files in the current working directory. The Tsar Bomba is the largest bomb detonated in history
Don’t gripe it till you wipe it	Toilet paper
No brisket, don’t risk it	Burritos
I think, therefore I am. I overthink, therefore…am I?	De Carte
Dynasty’s die nasty	Usually they do
A chase worth dreaming is a dream worth chasing